In 2009, Australian nurse Bronnie Ware wrote a blog post detailing the top five deathbed regrets of her hospice patients. The original post went viral and has since been viewed by over 3 million people.
The following World Domination Summit (WDS) speaker highlights show us how to avoid these common regrets with a few bits of simple, yet powerful advice.
Regret #1 — I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
Close your eyes and recall a time in elementary school when your heart sang.
•Your 2nd grade teacher ran an all-day paper airplane business simulation.
•A brass quartet gave a special gymnasium concert for your 3rd grade class.
•Your 4th grade teacher conducted a free-style creative writing exercise spanning several days.
An engaging Monopoly-like business game for kids, the beauty of “organized noise”, as David Byrne might call it, and the gift of a fun creative writing prompt. All memorable, engaging experiences from my own education (h/t Mrs. Ninemire, Mrs. Robertson and Mrs. Harris.)
Best-selling author and all-around hilarious guy, Jon Acuff, implored WDS attendees to “make sure your 3rd-grade self applauds your 36-year-old self.”
As we grow up, teachers, bosses, parents and professors, guide us toward “more serious” choices, “more reasonable” life paths, “more mature” pursuits.
What a shame.
How many Wall Street bond traders are wilting at their desks today depriving the world of their unique, creative, brilliant 3rd-grade voice?
How many executives are stuck in jobs they disdain because their real passion was deemed “unrealistic” by someone somewhere along the way.
Millions of people trudge to work each day wholly unfulfilled and disengaged. Do not let this happen to you.
Direct Acuff’s advice at this first deathbed regret. Are there areas in your life you could be truer to yourself? It’s never too late to start.
Make sure your 3rd-grade self applauds your 36-year-old self.
Regret #2 — I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.
Ms. Ware states that every single male patient made this comment.
Please let that sink in.
Every single male patient confided this to Ms. Ware during her 8 years as a palliative care nurse.
Did you know that the male suicide rate is four times higher than females?
There are so many complex issues linking workaholism, depression and suicide, and we have a long way to go. It is a heart-breaking problem that needs much more attention, understanding and action.
Consider some of the key factors in play: stressful life events such as death, divorce or job loss; prolonged stress factors such as harassment, relationship problems or unemployment.
We must become more mindful of the consuming treadmill of work and its affects on us and the people we love. Left unchecked, work can become a disastrous coping mechanism to modern life.
CDBaby founder, Derek Sivers, underscored this fact: Most people merely imitate others and go with the flow.
Instead, ask yourself: Does your daily work align with what you actually want?
Make sure what you’re aiming for is what you actually want—not what someone else thinks you should want.
As Sivers said, “People remember you more for the little ways you make them smile than all the other technological, business advances or other things you may do.”
What are you pouring your heart into?
Make sure it’s worth it.
Regret #3 — I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
Jeremy Cowart grew up thinking he wasn’t smart. He couldn’t pay attention for more than three minutes in school and told himself over and over “I can’t do this…”
However, in seventh grade, he made a discovery. He could draw. Really draw. He fell in love with art—imagining, designing, creating.
The young artist continued improving and growing his skills. He also drew daily encouragement from Philipians 4:13: “I can do all things in Christ who strengthens me.”
Cowart’s reliance on Jesus helped propel him past his insecurities and struggles at school. Gerald Hawthorne’s 1983 book, “Philippians” explains the power of this verse as seen here in Dr. Thomas Constable’s online Study Notes:
“Paul…never allowed his weaknesses or perceived weaknesses to be an excuse for inactivity, or for a failure to attempt the impossible task. They in a sense became his greatest assets, and surrendering them to Christ he discovered that they were transformed for his own enrichment and for the enrichment of others.”
After high school graduation came college, but all Cowart really knew was art.
“I can’t do this,” he told himself. His mother suggested he look into computers. Maybe there were ways he could combine the two?
Cowhart gave it a shot. He began studying graphic design and fell in love.
And the rest, as they say, is history.
His days now involve photographing some of the biggest names in art and entertainment. But his courage to live out his true self has led far beyond the world’s most famous celebrities.
After the January 12, 2010, earthquake in Haiti, Cowart visited the devastated country on an aid mission. The broken bodies and hearts of the Haitian people shattered him. He decided to use his art to highlight the plight of the Haitian people. His “Voices of Haiti” project has helped raise millions of dollars and media attention for the plight of the Haitian people.
In a world suffocating with conformity, Jeremy chose to embrace his natural talents and follow them on a journey. A journey that’s led to levels of prestige, freedom and purpose he could have never imagined as a shy, self-proclaimed “average” junior high student from Tennessee.
Remember Cowart’s story if you catch yourself holding back.
Have the courage to “own” and express your unique talents.
You’re the only you this world has.
Regret #4 — I wish I’d stayed in touch with my friends.
Does it get much cooler than Kid President?
I think not.
If I were president, I’d mandate that everyone in the world watch Kid President for the first five minutes of each day. It’s guaranteed to put a smile on your face.
Together, Brad Montague and Robby Novak communicated a hard truth at WDS.
“Some of the last things a human being hears is ‘I love you.’ Some of the first things a human being hears is ‘I love you.’ And, we spend the time between forgetting…”
If hearing “I love you” is our blessed bookends to life and death, shouldn’t we spend more time loving each other during, you know, our actual lives?
Think about it.
A final Kid President tip: “Treat everyone like it’s their birthday.”
Go ahead. Try it. Try it for one full day.
Did it hurt? Quite the opposite I’m guessing.
Good. Do it again and again until the day someone’s telling you, “I love you,” on your own deathbed.
Regret #5 — I wish I had let myself be happier.
Asha Dornfest, founder of ParentHacks, punctured multiple myths about adulthood.
The three main myths?
1. Adults stick to the plan.
2. Baby steps are for babies.
3. Grown-ups are sure of themselves.
Funny, isn’t it? Once we reach a certain age, society tells us we should have all of the answers. We’re adults, right? Not knowing is a deficiency, a weakness.
Heads-up campers: the most successful, most content people are the very ones who happily admit they don’t know everything.
Warren Buffet himself honors this idea.
If he doesn’t, or can’t, understand what a company does, he doesn’t invest in it.
Can you imagine one of the world’s top investors acknowledging he doesn’t understand how a company makes money? You should. Because he does.
Why do so many people run around acting like they have all of the answers?
Insecurity. Immaturity. Pride. Lack of self-worth. Misplaced importance on others’ opinions.
Dornfest’s solution to the myths of adulthood:
1. Embrace course correction.
2. Trust that the small, consistent steps are the surest way forward.
3. Appreciate that self-confidence grows every time you keep a promise to yourself.
People too often obsess over missteps, but downplay accomplishments.
Research shows the consequences of this when we compare high-performing teams versus low-performing teams. Managers who can’t muster positive feedback for a job well done actually have lower performing teams.
If we’re constantly unhappy about all that isn’t and not appreciating what is, we end up on a deathbed full of regret.
Dornfest calls on us to embrace the not knowing, trust even the tiniest positive steps forward and celebrate our growth as we fulfill goals—big and small—in our lives.
Finally, if you’ve found yourself writing a story you don’t like, take a step today towards overcoming at least one of the famous top five death bed regrets.
As they say, “If we learn from our own mistakes, we’re ahead of the game. If we learn from others’ mistakes, we’re winning the game…”
Cheers,
Doug
**If you’d like a “No Deathbed Regrets” quick sheet, feel free to print these five bullet points and post them for yourself as a daily reminder.
No Deathbed Regrets Antidotes
1. Be true to your unique voice.
2. Your kids don’t want a better bike, they want more of you.
3. Express yourself. There is life-changing power in those emotions.
4. Treat everyone like it’s their birthday, and stay in touch.
5. If you’re not laughing, you’re doing it wrong.
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